This Christmas was not as traditional as I would have liked. We missed out on a lot of things like going to see the temple lights, and sending out Christmas cards, and baking tons and tons of goodies.....but it did make me really think about what was important.
With Katelyn not really being able to do much, or not knowing when she was going to need a breathing treatment, really limited what I was able to do this year. But, I was able to think about my Savior. I was able to think about what He did for me. I was able to think about how it was for my parents when my sister was so sick, and how they had to watch her suffer and suffer, and when at the most unbearable times, turn to the Lord, and lean completely on Him. I remember many days like that, and I am very grateful for their example of how to do that. As I would lay awake at night in Katelyn's bed with her while she tried to sleep with an oxygen mask on her face, staring at her little pulse ox meter on her finger, silently praying that her pulse ox would come up and stay up, and listening to her wheezing, and thinking that I couldn't stand one more moment of it.....and then thinking how much worse it could be. I know that Katelyn is miserable right now, but I know that she will get better. I can't say the same for many parents going through unthinkable nightmares with their children. I watched my parents do it, and I NEVER want to go through the loss of a child.
Which leads me back to my thoughts on the Savior. Heavenly Father had to watch His child, who never sinned, suffer for all of our mistakes. I know that Jesus suffered more than anyone on Earth ever could, and I know that He understands every emotion that we have because of His Atonement. I take great comfort in knowing that while I was watching my little girl struggling to breath, I was not alone. I knew that I was surrounded by angels that care about me, and my family. I know that those same angels were with me when Tyler was in the Special Care Unit when he was born. As soon as I walked in that room to see him, I was overwhelmed with the amount of spirits in that room.
So whether we like it or not, suffering is part of this life, and its main purpose is to bring us closer to our Savior. Because when things are going great, we aren't thinking about how much He has done for us. It takes that great pain and agony to force us down on our knees, and turn our thoughts to our Creator. And with this Christmas....my thoughts are with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that He was born in that lowly stable, and that He conquered all. I am grateful for Him. I am grateful to know that throughout any trial in my life, He understands me, and He loves me. I am grateful to know that He loves my children more than I do. In knowing that, I don't have to worry about my children, for they are truly in His hands, and that is a safer place to be than in mine!
1 comment:
This post is so true! It's when we are having trials that we find outselves on our knees crying to the Father. It's during those times that we draw nearer to the Savior and grow the most...but it's so hard some times. Especially when children are concerned. I told Crystal a couple weeks ago when she was having a VERY hard time that watching her suffer such heart break over the loss of her son makes me realize just how much Heavenly Father loves us. He willingly sacrificed his son to save us. Any way there was more to it than that but I know what your saying about the anquish of watching a child suffer. I didn't realize you had an asthmatic child...that is very hard. Mine is 22 and he still struggles. I listen to him breathing at night and I still worry SO much. The worrying can drive you crazy so you do have to turn it over the the Lord because it is in His hands.
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