1 Nephi 17-18

Quote "Inspiration comes more as a feeling than as a sound...We do not have the words (even the scriptures do not have the words) which perfectly describe the Spirit. The scriptures generally use the word 'voice,' which does not exactly fit. These delicate, refined spiritual communications are not seen with our eyes, nor heard with our ears. And even though it is described as a voice, it is a voice that one feels, more than one hears."

~President Boyd K. Packer

Question "What things have you felt while reading or praying?"

Without getting too personal, I have felt the love of my Heavenly Father, and the love of my Savior. That I am important enough to them that I have received all of the blessings that I have, and that He would send me the gift of the Holy Ghost to prompt me towards righteousness, is very powerful for me.

I also feel very connected to the people in the scriptures. I can try to put myself in each of their shoes, and see how/why they feel the way they do. I develop an appreciation of the prophets, and what they went through so that I can read their stories today. I wouldn't get that just by hearing the stories, but by reading them myself, I feel that I know them better.

This could be a 15 page answer, and some things are too detailed and personal to share with everyone. So I will just leave it at this for today......I have felt the Spirit while reading and praying, and it ALWAYS bears record of the truth, and ALWAYS testifies that Jesus Christ is my Savior, and that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true, and leads to great happiness!

1 Nephi 15-16

Quote "If there is any one thing most needed in this time of tumult and frustration, when men and women and youth and young adults are desperately seeking for answers to the problems which afflict mankind, it is an 'iron rod' as a safe guide along the straight path on the way to eternal life."

~President Harold B. Lee

Question "How can you 'hold fast' to the iron rod?

Interesting question. There are of course the obvious answers of going to church, praying, reading our scriptures, heeding the warnings of our prophets, etc. All of those answers are true and correct. But I think the most important thing that we can do to hold fast to the iron is let go of our desires, and live by the Lord's will. If we turn over our will, and live by His, how much tighter would our grip be on the iron rod? This is a very difficult thing at times, but that is where we find the greatest happiness!

On a side note, I just have to say, that when I read about the daughters of Ishmael complaining after their father died, and everyone complaining when they are starving.....I'm pretty sure I'd be in that group. When I get low-blood sugar now, I can be pretty ugly, so it hits me hard when I read these words, because I feel like Nephi is talking to me. And even though it is hard to hear, I love it when Nephi says "....the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center....if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, and give heed unto it, that ye might walk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth..."

So true! The wicked do take the truth to be hard, and I see examples of that every day!

Oh, that I may hold fast to that iron rod, even if just by my fingernails, just keep holding on!

1 Nephi 13-14

Quote "This great American nation the Almighty raised up by the power of his omnipotent hand, that it might be possible in the latter days for the kingdom of God to be established in the earth."

~President Joseph F. Smith

Question "Nephi saw that "other books" would come forth through the gentiles. What important things would the "other books" do? What are those "other books"?

To keep it brief, I think that the reasons for the other books are two parts; 1) It is a record of the different peoples lineage, and experiences; and 2) It is to show us that the Lord's hand is over all of the Earth. Not just one nation, or people, but He is over all the Earth, and He is aware of His people over all the Earth. I think in the end that we will be amazed at how many records there are, and how we can compare the time-line and experiences, and see how they all mesh together. I am also excited to see the records that "...were plain and pure, and most precious and easy to the understanding of all men."

There is wisdom in all things that the Lord does.....if He didn't have a purpose for it, it wouldn't be done.

1 Nephi 11-12

Quote "You need time to meditate and ponder, to think, to wonder at the great plan of happiness that the Lord has outlined for His children. You need to read the scriptures...I heard President David O. McKay say to the members of the Twelve on one occasion, 'Brethren, we do not spend enough time meditating.'"

~President Gordon B. Hinckley

Question "How often do you take time to ponder, to meditate on things that are important?"

Why this question.....do I have to honestly answer??? I guess that is the point of all of this. The answer for me is hardly ever! It is so hustle and bustle every single day....chores, kids, phone, computer, business, etc.... it is "rarely" just quiet enough to think in my house. Which I guess is the reason for my post 5 days ago, which is that 3:00am is the only quiet time in the house, to think upon matters. Isn't it so ironic, that so many of us are praying, and asking for help with our problems and trials, and yet, we don't seem to get an answer.....maybe it's not that we aren't getting an answer, maybe is we never stop to listen to the answer. Maybe we would have much more insight, and revelation into our lives if we did stop, and ponder, and actually use our brains on a deeper level.
Oh great, does this mean I need to actually do this! aaahhhh! I avoid the quiet most of the time, because my mind goes into hyper-drive, and I'm thinking about so many things that it is hard to focus on just one topic. Maybe my pondering skills are like a muscle that needs to be exercised. Maybe the first time I try it, I should only try it for 1 minute, the next day 2 minutes, and so on. Well, I have to admit, that I am disappointed the answers that I am seeking are not being handed to me on a shiny silver platter, along with a rice krispy treat. I know that I was inspired to do this, so now, the answer is more work! Figures.
I guess, I need to remember my thoughts on doing things without complaining....man....whoever came up with these quotes, questions, and challenge, really is sneaky to get you to realize that you have to be obedient without complaint, and then drop the bombshells on you to do more.....I feel like the Karate Kid "Daniel-son, I promise to teach, that my part, you promise to learn, that your part....I say, you do, no question!"

1 Nephi 6-10

Quote "The intensity of our desire to share the gospel is a great indicator of the extent of our personal conversion."

~Elder Dallin H. Oaks

Question "What was Nephi's response when the people in the strange building mocked him and the others who were partaking of the fruit? Why?"

Well, the scriptural account is actually Lehi's vision, so Lehi said that "...after they did enter into that building they did point the finger of scorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also; but we heeded them not..." So, I think that would include Nephi's attitude.

Nephi is so impressively obedient, he only cares about making the Lord happy, he really doesn't care what other people think about him. He knows who the Lord is, and he is not about to let "wordly opinions" overthrow his relationship with God.

We also know that those who did notice the mocking felt ashamed, and fell away from the tree. I feel sensitive to this because, I remember many times throughout my younger years, so many of my friends saying "oh, she's Mormon, she won't do that", or "Mormons are this or that", with a mocking, negative tone, almost making me feel ashamed that I was a Mormon. It is very difficult being true to your faith and religion, and living in this world. It was hard for me because, I am a sensitive person, and always wanted everyone to like me, and to fit in (I think all kids want that to some extent), but that comes with a price. So the answer is....you can't do both. Yes you have to live "in" the world, but you don't have to be "of" the world....if that makes any sense. What I am trying to say I guess is that I've had that borderline "ashamed" feeling before in my life, when I was young and unsure of what I believed, but now I know what I believe, and I don't care what people think about Mormons or me, I know what I know, and the Lord knows my heart. That is sufficient for me.

1 Nephi 3-5

Quote "I have learned not to put question marks but to use exclamation points when calls are issued through inspired channels of priesthood government."

~Elder Russell M. Nelson

Question "Why did Laman and Lemuel murmur? Why did Nephi support his father? What determines whether you are a murmurer or a supporter of the Lord's work and His prophets?"

I have to admit that I have always felt a little sympathetic towards Laman and Lemuel, because I think it would be very hard for me to just leave everything I've known, all of my comforts, and just follow my father into the wilderness, and not know where I would be from day to day. That would be a hard thing for me. However, I hope that I would not continue to murmur after seeing an angel, and knowing that my little brother was able to slay the man that was trying to kill me. I hope that by that time at least, I would keep my mouth shut.

But I think that Laman and Lemuel murmured partly because they are human, (I think the majority of humans do complain), and partly because they didn't have the faith and understanding that their father and brother did.

I think to some extent it is human nature that rebels against other people (especially family members) telling us what to do, or how to do it. But, Laman and Lemuel were obedient enough to follow their father into the wilderness, which they didn't have to do. So, I've always wondered why they were obedient in some things, but not others. They clearly complained about having to go and get the plates, they didn't want to, but they went...why? Did they finally decide that they could visit with some friends while they were there, or maybe their dad made them do it??? Laman went to the house of Laban first by himself, showing signs of obedience....he could have said that he didn't want to go. Ultimately, I think the older brothers murmured because they didn't see the bigger picture....they weren't prophets, they didn't have enough faith to ask for themselves. They took the easier road of letting others make decisions for them, but complained about it the whole time.

Nephi supported his father because he did have faith. He did desire to know the truth for himself. He asked, and he received. And because he had visions, and heard the Lord's voice, and saw the angel, it only reinforced his faith and obedience.

Oh how I would love to say that I was like Nephi, steadfast in keeping all of the commandments. Unfortunately, I have murmured a day or two in my life (or maybe it's that I've not murmured a day or two in my life). I think that one of the greatest gifts that has been given to us is personal revelation. We are not asked to blindly believe anything. We are encouraged to ask for ourselves! The scriptures say repeatedly "ask and ye shall receive....knock and it shall be opened unto you..." we can ask, and our Heavenly Father is more than happy to bless us with the knowledge that we seek. That is so incredible that he will gladly reveal the same things to all of his children, if they have enough faith to ask.

I think what makes you like Laman or like Nephi is when you are asked to do something, do you do it with a glad and cheerful heart, or do you say "fine, I'll do it" being resentful of what you are missing out on the whole time. I am going to try to be like Nephi today....even when it comes to dirty diapers and the dishes!

1 Nephi 1-2

Quote "The Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ...The Lord's tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord's timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings."

~Elder David A. Bednar

Question - "How have you experienced the tender mercies of the Lord?"

So, I love the first few chapters of Nephi. I love that every time I start with "I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents....and I know that the record which I make is true; and I make it with mine own hand".....every time I read these words, the Holy Ghost immediately bears record of its truthfulness to me. I feel it every single time I read it!

What struck me this time, was when I read about Lehi's vision, first in vs 8, it says he "thought he saw God sitting upon his throne, surrounded with numberless concourses of angels in the attitude of singing and praising their God"....giving the impression of this all-powerful, all-knowing being that we would gladly give our spirits over to for eternity just to worship him, that would be such an honor. Then, a few verses later in 14, he is talking to God, and praising him saying ".....thou wilt not suffer those who come unto thee that they shall perish!"...leaving an impression of a kind and merciful Father in Heaven, that truly cares about us.

This leaves me with a feeling of reverence and awe for my Father in Heaven, that He is both so powerful and wonderful, and yet, He is my creator, and He loves me, just as a parent loves their child here on Earth. That is a hard thing for me to grasp. I have always felt to some extent "unlovable", even though this is completely the opposite of what my spirit knows to be true. I have had Satan whispering in my ear since I can remember that I am not worthy to be loved by such a being, and it is exactly the tender mercies of the Lord that have told my spirit, and still continues to do so, that His love is not conditional to our behavior on Earth....his blessings are... but His love is not.....He loves his children, and wants us to reach out to Him, and is so willing to help us, to heal us, and to bless us with things we didn't even know we needed. I know that he helped Lehi protect his family from the bad things coming to Jerusalem. I also know that He protects me from some things I know, and many things I don't even know that I am being protected from. And the challenges He does give us, He completely helps us get through them. That is such just one example of His tender mercies to me.

What is it about 3:00????

I don't know what the deal is with 3:00....I can pretty much count on 3pm every day being my cut off point of getting anything done that I need to do, and my kids get home from school, and it's homework, music, dance, sports, scouts...etc....dinner, bath & bedtime routines. Not much peace throughout my day really.

So, I guess that's why 3am is my "spiritual awakening time." I don't sleep through the whole night very often, and the time that I am most frequently woken up is at 3am. I wake up, and my mind starts racing with everything that has happened that day, or that needs to happen the next day, or problems my kids are having, or financial stuff, or all the things that I should be doing that I'm not.....you get the point....STUFF! But through these early morning hours, I have received a lot of wonderful spiritual insights at 3am.

So last night, don't ask me why, but at 3, I woke up, and felt very strongly like I needed to do this 100 day Book of Mormon reading program that I came across a few months ago, and keep track of it on my blog, to hold myself accountable. Crazy, I know. I have not been very good at personal scripture study lately, but I have been praying a lot lately to be a better mother, wife, and friend. So, I'm thinking this might just be my answer. (Just to set the record straight, I have read the BOM several times, and am reading it right now with my kids.)

Anyway, I found this on the ideadoor.com a few months back, and it gives you certain reading assignments every day, and has a quote that goes with the scriptures, and then poses a question for you to ponder. So, I am officially beginning TODAY! No more excuses!

If you would like to join with me, feel free, I will be posting the reading assignments as my title, and then either writing my feelings about it, or answering the question. If you read any of this, please don't pass judgement, as I am not always the most insightful person, but I am doing this to really challenge myself, and to sincerely try to learn something. So, any comments or feelings, or insights that you might have are more than welcome, my friends!

Anyway, here we go with Day 1

Assignment: Preface (title page), Introduction, Testimony of Three Witnesses, Testimony of Eight Witnesses, Testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith

"I would like to urge [everyone] to again read the Book of Mormon...There is nothing we could do of greater importance than to have fortified in our individual lives an unshakable conviction that Jesus is the Christ, the Living Son of the Living God. And, my brothers and sisters, that is the purpose of the coming forth of this remarkable and wonderful book." President Gordon B. Hinckley

Wish me Luck!

Happy Birthday Katelyn!

My beautiful sweet baby girl, Katelyn Novelle turned 7 on March 7th! I can't believe it! I love this little girl! Katelyn is the sweetest girl, she is a wonderful sister, and daughter, and has so many gifts, and talents. She is such a blessing to our family, and since she is my only daughter, she will always be extra special to me!

Katelyn's birthday was on Sunday, so we went to my mom's for her choice family dinner (the best hamburgers ever! Thanks to Chef Jeff) Then on Monday evening, we went bowling with all her cousins. She had a ball! I don't know if anyone else remembers the scene in the movie "Uncle Buck" where he takes the kids bowling and the little girl bowls so slow, that the ball gets to the pin, barely touches it, and stops, without knocking any over.....that's about how Katelyn bowls. She did knock some over, but it took the ball quite a while to get down there! Very funny to watch! And not only was KT excited about her own pins, but she was the best cheerleader for everyone else, telling them "good job", and "you bowl really good"!

We love you so much Dubby, and hope you have a WONDERFUL 7th YEAR!!!!

Here are the pics from her parties...

And here are some of Katie's baby pics...

THE SCARIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

Sorry for the long blog, but I don't want to forget this day.
So, the day started out fine. I had woken up to a little bit of a cold and sore throat, but not too big of a deal, and had some shopping to do for Katelyn's bday. So, I went to pick up Austin from his cousins house in Mesa (he had spent the night at his cousins house for his bday party). I knew that Austin was going to be exhausted, but I was in town already, so I decided to just drag him along with me to get my errands done.
We went to 2 stores, had some lunch, went to another 2 stores, and everything was going great. We got home about 2:45ish, and Katelyn and Tyler had been out helping Jeff plant our garden, and they were exhausted. I knew that Austin was also tired, so I laid Tyler and Katelyn in bed, and asked Austin to lay down for a while, and take a nap. He got very upset, (mostly because he was so tired), and told me no, and was being very bratty. I told him very nicely, that he wasn't going to be able to go to any more sleep overs if this was how he was going to act when he came home. He came un-glued, and yelled at me, and called me a "bad mom".
Well, I finally snapped (mostly because, by now, I was tired and didn't feel well), and I should have just let him cry himself to sleep....but I didn't. I said, fine, you don't want to take a nap, and think I'm a bad mom after the fun day we had, see ya. Just go (me holding the door open, and pointing outside.) Well, let me say that Jeff was in the front yard, and Austin enjoys helping his dad in the front yard. I wasn't kicking him out, I was just saying "stay outside with your dad, and get out of my hair for a while, and let us both cool off."
Now, there are different versions of what happened outside, depending on who you ask. Jeff says that all he told Austin was that he can't treat/talk to me that way (sticking up for me)....and Austin thought Jeff said he couldn't stay here anymore. (It's very difficult to know how an 8 year old processes things, did he not hear him right, or just misunderstand??? who knows), but in Austin's mind, he thought that he would be obedient, and leave. So he started walking away from the house. Jeff was in the garage, and thought Austin had come back in the house. I happened to be checking in on Katelyn when I looked out her window, and saw Austin walking down the street. I had just changed into some comfy clothes, so I went and put my jeans and tennis shoes on, and went after him, thinking I would only be a few minutes behind him, and that he couldn't have gotten that far.
I walked all over our neighborhood and never saw him. Then I came home, and got my car, and drove through our neighborhood again, and couldn't find him. I thought maybe he was upset, and hiding somewhere. I looked everywhere, and asked everyone at parks if they had seen him. No one had. Then Jeff woke up Katelyn and Tyler and loaded them up, and started looking for him too. We started calling friends and neighbors close by, and nothing. (Just a side note, Austin isn't even allowed to play in the front yard unless I'm out there, and he is terrified of dogs, so I know he wouldn't just go into anyone's house...he's been taught about strangers, and he's a very smart kid.)
Anyway, I thought about places that he knows how to get to.....my mom's (I thought unlikely, because it's 10 miles away), his school (again, about 8 miles), his baseball practice field....so I start driving to those places. I first drove in the direction of my moms house, and went as far as where I could see Jeff's office, thinking that it hadn't been long enough for him to have gotten that far on foot....turned around, drove to his baseball practice field, then drove to his school. No where. Then my mom called, and she was in Gilbert at my sister's house, and I asked her and my dad to come help me look. They drove in from Gilbert, and we all searched about another 40 minutes. By now, I am freaking out. Jeff called the police, and 2 minutes later got a call from an officer that had just picked Austin up just north of Poston Butte High School. (Which is the way to my mom's house) 4.8 miles to be exact (I drove it with him to see). Such relief, that he had been found...SAFE!
Two cop cars drove up to my house about 15 minutes later, with Austin in the back of one of them, and he started bawling the second he saw me. He was scared to death! He said that when he was near the railroad tracks, that a cop stopped him, and a few minutes later a firetruck stopped him, and both asked what he was doing, and he told them that he was just out for a jog, getting some exercise. He didn't want to get into trouble. He told them both that he lived close by pointing to the circle cross ranch homes. So they just let him go. He said that 7 other cars had pulled over, during his run, but he ran away from them because he was scared of being kidnapped. So, luckily, the cop that stopped him near the high school, was smart enough to see that there were no homes around there, and that he was just an 8 year old kid....and stopped him, and questioned him, until he got the call about a missing boy in black and red shorts and shirt, and put 2 and 2 together. So thankful!
At first, my reaction was if I had just driven a little farther towards Jeff's office, I would have been the one to find him. Or if my mom would have driven from her house instead of my sisters, she would have found him. But, I see the Lord's wisdom in this. The Lord is merciful and all-knowing. He taught me, and Austin, and Jeff, and our other children, some very valuable lessons. We would not have learned the same lessons, if this had a different outcome. I was able to have a wonderful heart to heart with him when he came home. And made it clear to him that me and daddy NEVER want him to leave EVER! I was so grateful that he was home, I couldn't stop crying. I am so aware of ALL of the different possibilities of what "could have happened" in the 2 hours he was missing, and I will be forever thankful that all he suffered were some blisters on his feet from wearing his new shoes with no socks!
I am also so grateful to have such wonderful friends and neighbors, that were so caring, and supportive during this horrific event. As embarrassing as it was for me to lose my child, I was so happy to know that I could count on these people to help me. It was really hard for me to admit that I had handled that situation so poorly, and even though Austin made a bad decision to leave also, I felt the full weight and responsibility of him leaving. The really sad part is the Sunday before this happened, the talks in church were all on Being Temperate, and Schooling your feelings....so what does that say about me? I was thinking of those talks over and over in my mind when I was looking for Austin. Sad, I know. So judge me however you want, but know that I love my children more than anything, and want nothing more than to protect them from every danger in this world. And this was more terrifying than any other experience in my life BY FAR!

So Long, Farewell!

Today was a bitter sweet day for Jeff. We sold his truck! It was a 1995 Chevy Silverado. It lived a long and full life. He took this truck on many many hunting/fishing trips, camping, off-roading, and most importantly...it took me out on dates! Jeff was a little sad to see her go, but it needed to be done, like an old suffering pet needing to be put down. Thankfully, for the kids sake, Grandma has lent us her truck for a while, and they love going in her truck! So long old friend, and thanks for the memories!